Today I discovered, upon diving into the med for the first time this year, that the salt concentration has reached alarming levels. Last year the salt deposited on a typical swimmer was hardly enough to compliment a fillet of cod in a light garlic marinade with chives on the side, but now there’s enough to coat eight platters of french fries, a side of microwaved beef, nine aubergines, and a gallon of lemon juice. And not only that! There is something very sinister about this salt. As the mosquitos patrolling my hallway head towards my blood vessels, some component of the deposits make them shudder and speed away at right angles. In fact I think I better deal with it before the keratin is completely eaten away.